Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
