You can't special order awesome
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
this is an emotional support booty call
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
