I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
