Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
