I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
