who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
