no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
