It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
