3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
