she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You may now shotgun with the bride
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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