I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
