I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
