Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
