For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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