i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
