Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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