So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
