just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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