ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
