Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
