I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
