piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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