you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize