im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
