So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
