It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
