this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
