I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
