Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
