He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
