I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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