I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
