sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
