the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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