Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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