I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
