now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
