so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
