did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
