I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.