I cockslap morals
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
