you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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