Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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