After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
