Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
