So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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