Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Operation Purity has been aborted
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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