Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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