this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize