the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
