Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Alive.
So much puke
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
