I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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