What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
