Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize