i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
