I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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