It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
