what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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