i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We are all done wearing pants today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
