I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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