Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
