never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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