the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
