Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
