my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
