So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
