Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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