I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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