so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
