the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
this beer tastes like vomit already
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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