My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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