Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
