therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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