After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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