My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
