Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
