...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
