I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize