Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
