I want to have your abortion
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
