her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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