How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
