It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
